He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
