people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
