Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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