Your tits are I can't wait for
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
