My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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