You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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