he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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