im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
