i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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