I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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