i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
