I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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