someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
