i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
