youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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