did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
