then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
