You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
