The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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