I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i will never coherently bang her
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
