I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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