Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
