do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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