Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
