We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
