we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
