Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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