why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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