I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
