Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
