what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
