goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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