Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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