my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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