I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
