My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
