My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
