I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
