I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
