I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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