I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
