Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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