if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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