so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Come see our sink grown plant.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
