Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
