I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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