GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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