some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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