so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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