Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
